Why A Good Support System Is Essential When You Have Anxiety

First and foremost, I feel like crap today.

I have been going through some pretty hard stuff over these past few months, and it was only today that I felt like I got hit by a bus. It felt like my whole world was crumbling around me today. It got so bad, and thank goodness she did, my best friend FaceTimed me today just to make sure I was okay.

Today, I found out how much money in my account. And let me tell you, it wasn’t a lot. Once I found that out, the thought of “How am I going to pay for these two trips I have coming up next month?” popped into my head. Then, the thought of how am I supposed to pay for those when I have to pay for my internet bill in a few weeks came. Then it was work related worries. Then health, then faith. And before I knew it I was having a Jack Daniel’s Lemonade at 12 in the afternoon because I felt like nothing else was going to help me feel better.

Thank goodness I had my best friend to talk me down from my ledge. I honestly don’t know what I would have done today if she didn’t call me today. I probably would’ve just laid in bed and cried till I fell asleep, to be honest; I felt that dark. She is one of those people that I can talk to about anything, despite being totally different.

Why I trust her with my deepest darkest thoughts more than my own family is because she has gone through the same things I have. She is much better in her life, whereas I, on the other hand, am still climbing out of this hole.

I told her what was going on with me today, and she gave me advice and tough love I needed to hear. As much as I hate tough love, I needed to hear it. And I’m going to take her advice. I’ll admit, I’m not the greatest when it comes to taking advice from other people. But what she told me to do, I’m going to do my best and follow it.

She and I may live thousands of miles apart, but that doesn’t matter. My best friend is just a FaceTime away. Her degree is in psychology, and she gave me a therapy session I desperately needed; she is going to make a great spokesperson for Mental Health/Therapist.

 

A bit of a shorter blog than I normally write. I’m emotionally drained, and I can’t really remember much of today. Anyone else have any advice to deal with Anxiety and how to overcome it? I’d love to hear it.

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Mamma Mia! Why I Think The ABBA Extravaganza is the Best Movie of the Summer

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So I just saw this amazing movie this afternoon, and I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t think there are enough words in the English language to fangirl over this movie, but I’m going to trying and think of as many as I can because…WOW.

My first round of praising goes to Lily James. Some may know her as Lady Rose MacClare on Downton Abbey, or Natasha Rostova War & Peace, or even Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. For me, I feel in love with her immediately as Cinderella in the 2015 version of Cinderella.

The casting of Lily and Young Donna Sheridan is absolutely spot on. Having to live up to an icon like Meryl Streep I can only imagine as being very daunting. Her performance in the first Mamma Mia was legendary, and I think is one of the greatest performances in cinematic history. But Lily pulled it off brilliantly. Not only does she look like a young Meryl, but even her voice matched the style and way Meryl sings. Any time she opened her mouth to sing, I got the biggest smile on my face because I knew I was going to watch a fantastic scene. Her performance in this movie, along with her on screen presence, for me, has already cemented her as movie musical icon. Her chemistry with all three of her love interests was some of the best I’ve seen when it comes to love triangles. Most movies make them dramatic and unpleasant, not Mamma Mia. They managed to make it work, and have all three guys end up being friends in the end because they all loved Donna.

I can’t talk about Donna without talking about Sophie herself, Amanda Seyfried. It’s been 10 years since the world saw her as Sophie, and when I heard the news they were making this movie, I flipped out. I absolutely loved Sophie because it reminded me of how I was when I was 20, minus being engaged.

I think my favorite part about Sophie in this movie is that you could tell she was a lot wiser, and had grown up a lot since the last movie, due to the fact Donna (SPOILER ALERT!!) had sadly passed away. She was now running the new refurbished Bella Donna. As the movie goes on, you get some very sweet moments between Sophie and Tonya and Rosie, as well as Sophie and Sam/Harry/Bill. During “Dancing Queen” when Sky comes back to surprises her for the grand re-opening of the hotel made my heart so warm because even though they had a fight in a previous scene, they still loved each other regardless of what happened.

Right off the bat, the movie starts off with a flashback and one of my favorite songs on the entire soundtrack. “I Kissed The Teacher” has to be one of the catchiest songs I’ve ever heard in my life. I can’t be in a bad mood when I listen to it. And if you are ever in a bad mood, just blast this song; I can guarantee you will be smiling and dancing before it finishes. What I also love about the music of this movie is that each song seamlessly flows into the next, with no bumps in the road. We got some of the classics revisited from the first movie in new ways, as well as some songs.

This movies new songs had me sobbing, which I did not expect to happen. The song “I’ve Been Waiting For You” was absolutely beautiful. What I love about this song is that not only was paying tribute to her mom by performing with Tanya and Rosie at the party, she was also singing to (SPOILER ALERT!!) her soon to be baby, hoping she will be as good as a mom as her own. “My Love, My Life” got my waterworks flowing. This song was just an ode to a beautiful mother/daughter relationship and how they will never break, no matter what happens. The final verse had me full on crying; seeing Sophie and Donna singing one last duet together was beautiful. And seeing ALL generations of the characters singing “Super Trouper” together was the cherry on top of this perfect movie.

Before 5th Harmony. Before Little Mix. Even before The Spice Girls, there was Donna and The Dynamos: the original Girl Power Band. Who they cast to play Young Tanya and Young Rosie were absolutely stunning. The chemistry all three of the young Dynamos shared on screen, you could feel it in your seat as you watch. I love when the casting department for movie nails who they choose because Lily, Alexa Davies and Jessica Keenan Wynn look exactly like Meryl, Julie Walters and Christine Baranski. Add their fantastic voices and comedic timing, you have the recipe for dynamic characters everyone will love.

Let me tell you, when I had a FEELS trip with this movie, I had a roller coaster ride of emotion. But that’s the best part when watching this movie. You’ll go from chuckling, to belly laughing your butt off, to tearing up, to crying, to full on belly laughing by the end because of how great the end credits are. Movie that do that, but also manage to make you feel happy the rest of the day are the movies that are worth going back to see again and again.

Cher. That’s all I have to say. Cher was the performance in the movie I did not need more of in my life. She is such a powerhouse Queen in this role, I couldn’t help but sing-a-long to her song “Fernando” while watching, even though I shouldn’t have. IF, and that’s a big IF, a Mamma Mia 3 is made, I hope her character comes back. I want to see (SPOILER ALERT!!) How she does as a “great-grandmother” to Sophie’s son, Donny, who was named after Donna.

Speaking of Mamma Mia 3, I need a duet between Sophie and Young Donna. I can just picture how brilliant and breathtaking that scene will be; I also just need Amanda and Lily to sing together because two fierce icons singing together, would be a precious gift to this world. Sophie could be reminiscing by trying on one of Donna’s old overalls, then BOOM! There’s a flash of light, and Sophie is transported back to the 70s where she ends up befriending her mom. It would be a musical “Back to the Future”, and that sounds like a good movie to me.

As for my thoughts: This movie is about as hot as the Summer weather outside, but in the best possible way. It’s a good movie to go see to treat yourself to a “Me Day”. It’s a good movie to see with a bunch of your best friends, and then go for a drive while blasting the soundtrack as you sing at the top of your lungs. It’s even a good movie for a fun family day. Young or old, this movie is for you. It will make you smile and dance, and just put you in the best mood. “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again“, in my opinion, is one of the best movie musicals to ever exist. It’s also at the top of my list of favorite movies in cinematic history. And that is why I think it is the best movie of the Summer.

 

Getting Blocked: Why Being a Writer is Harder Than It Looks

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Sorry about my absence from her, everyone. Life got in the way, and I’ve been in a bad place for the past couple of days.

I couldn’t write. I had really bad writer’s block and I had no idea what to do.

My first story I started, “Love Around the Corner”, I have everything all planned out and I know how I want it to play out, I just can’t figure out what words I want to type. I haven’t touched that story in months. My writer’s block for that story was so bad, I ended up starting a new story called “True to Your Heart”, and that one is moving more smoothly than my first one.

Why? Both are about the same subject matter. Can anyone that’s a fellow writer please help me understand this? One story is so much easier to write, and the other I haven’t touched because I want it to be perfect. Or, I haven’t touched it because I’m scared that it will never get published. I have that fear about both of my stories actually.

I want to be a writer. I want to be able to create stories, no matter what they are, and have every single person to be able to relate to it in some way. I just didn’t realize how bad the moments you have a lack of inspiration or creativity would get.

Comments I’ve seen on articles about writing, and people who do this for a living blow my mind. People think writing is just like shooting the breeze with old friends; it’s not. I finally realized this last year when I decided that this is what I wanted to do for a living.

Writing requires discipline, concentration, and an ability to think of crazy ideas that can be made into something spectacular. Writing also comes with this dreaded thing called Writer’s Block. It’s a pain in the butt, and for me some days it makes me extremely anxious. If I can’t figure out an idea, or ideas, to move my story along I sit there not knowing what to do.

That’s why I have so much respect for the show runners of my favorite TV shows, (Jennie Urman of Jane the Virgin, Emily Andras of Wynonna Earp, and Melissa Tancharoen/Jed Whedon of Agents of SHIELD, and the writers of The Bold Type) and my favorite authors (J.K. Rowling, Jenny Colgan, Danielle Paige and Elizabeth J. Braswell). They’ve had it too, yet they find ways to break out of it and create masterpieces. I need them to teach me their ways.

Another person that I look up to when I write is my best friend Rae. She has shared countless stories with me, as well as done several Agents of SHIELD fan fictions with me. She’s the one that always inspires me to do better. And I can always count on her to give me honest criticism if my writing is bad. I hope I can be as good as her one day.

I’ve always loved writing, but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that this is what I should be doing with my life.

My writer’s block is finally over, and ideas are coming to me. How easily they will come, that will be left up to what sparks my creativity.

Any of my fellow bloggers and writers on here with any tips and tricks I could use, I’d greatly appreciate.

I want this to work out.

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Welcome To Level 7: What Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Means to Me

WARNING: I’m about to fangirl about the 100th episode of Agents of SHIELD, so if you don’t want to see any spoilers…click off this post now.

March 9th, 2018 at 8 pm, or as I am going to call it the greatest night in TV history. One of my favorite shows celebrated it 100th episode. And that show was Agents of SHIELD. This episode had everything: suspense, drama, heart with a little bit of comedy to top it all off.

We see Coulson tell the team that he’s dying and that there’s nothing they can do. Melinda May being the badass that she is, tells him there is a way and that the team will not give up to save him. He tells her that he’s a lost cause and that he’s accepted his fate. I have to disagree. In Sci-Fi, there is always something that can be done. And I for one, I don’t know about other fans, do not want to use the hashtag #CoulsonLives again because seeing him die once was enough. He needs to be around when he officially makes Daisy the new Director of SHIELD (hoping they go with that story line from the comics ever since they hinted at it with a conversation between Coulson and Daisy in S4).

Everyone else on the team is upset and distraught over this secret, but Daisy takes this news the hardest. She tells him there is no SHIELD without him. She then proceeds to tell him that the team needs him because he is the one that holds them together. What got me choked up was when Daisy tells Coulson he gave her a home and proceeds to break down and cry. Coulson had been a constant father figure for Daisy since S1; he was even a better dad than her actual dad when he showed up in the later part of S2.  Chloe and Clark deserve all of the props for that scene because it hit me right in the feels, and I just wanted to hug them both.

The one thing I found funny about the episode, even though it was the main problem, was the giant crack on the wall. There was a rip in the fabric of reality! I don’t know if it was an intended Easter Egg, but the crack was a definite homage to the Doctor Who episode “The Eleventh Hour”. To be honest, I wouldn’t have been if Prisoner Zero was the cause of all of the figments of fears for the team. I was also low-key hoping for either Fitz or Jemma to make a joke along the lines of “Where’s a blue Police Box?” when you need one. Oh well, there’s always fan fiction. The other thing the crack reminded me of was when in S2 of Agents Carter, the were dealing with Zero matter and it exploded, it left a crack very similar to that. The bad part about this crack was the Coulson volunteered to close it. Along comes a fake Mike, aka “Deathlok” to convince him this was all fake; cut to me shouting at my TV to shut up. Then the real Deathlok shows up, Coulson throws the orb while Deathlok parkour’s to save the day.

My favorite part of the episode…THE FITZSIMMONS WEDDING! Holy crap, I honestly wasn’t expecting that to happen! As soon as I heard the soft, flowing music I became an ugly, sobbing mess. The elevator doors open and Mac is proudly recording it all with a smile on his face. May and Daisy step aside to reveal Jemma is the most adorable wedding dress; now having met Elizabeth Henstridge and knowing how unbelievably nice she in person, I lost it. Jemma looked so pretty, she looked like an angel! Couslon officiated the wedding and said if he delayed it any longer it would be playing with fire, and I can without a doubt the entire FitzSimmons fandom screamed at their TVs “HERE HERE!” Each of their vows was just so precious, Fitz said he didn’t deserve Jemma. He MORE than deserves Jemma! They have been through hell and back together, and with everything they went through they always found each other. Cut to Daisy wiping away a tear, which made me cry even more because She was her best friend’s maid of honor and Mamma May was her bridesmaid (I was sad Yo-Yo couldn’t have been there, I know she would have loved to see FitzSimmons get married). And being the sap that I am, as soon as they cut to Jemma crying while Fitz was saying his vows, I was sobbing. I have shipped these two adorable characters since day one, and witnessed every grueling things they have been put up against. Five years later, the waiting has paid off!

The twist I did not see coming AT ALL was that Deke Shaw…is their grandson! WHAT?! I can honestly say, I can’t wait for the actual reveal to the team (if that happens, which I’m hoping it does).

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Marvel movies have the glitz. Marvel’s Netflix shows have the grit. But, if you want heart, look no further than Agents of SHIELD. Out of all the comic book related media, this show is one of the best. It has only gotten better with each season and I’m hoping there are more in the future because if you’re like me and have read the comics, there are so many more stories to tell. Along with that, the 100th episode is proof that this show deserves another season.

This show has helped me get through so many tough times, and if it weren’t for this show I wouldn’t have discovered my awesome nerdy side and made so many new friends. With a show like this, you become attached to the characters instantly because as they progress, you can see parts of their personality  that you can identify with, no matter who the character is. And the fact that each of the amazing actors on the show want to do their own respective character justice makes me love this show even more. I’m still surprised that Agents of SHIELD or any of the actors haven’t even been considered for an Emmy or Golden Globe. They always bring their A-game, and continue to do so. If I could, I would make them all awards myself. This show has continued to prove that even if you’re different, you can still make a difference no matter how tough things may be.

That’s what this show means to me. It encourages me to be myself. It encourages me to embrace my uniqueness. It encourages me to make a difference even when I feel like there’s nothing I can do. Most importantly, this show encourages me to change the world for the better. It’s this show that motivated me to start writing stories of my own, in hopes to make something as great as Agents of SHIELD.

And for that, I am truly grateful. Thank you Agents of SHIELD for making my Friday nights exciting and eventful. Here’s to another 100 episodes because this Agents is always ready for duty.

Thank you Maurissa and Jed for writing and creating one of my favorite TV shows of all time. Thank you Clark, Ming, Chloe, Natalia, Elizabeth, Henry and Iain for bringing your heart and soul, and bringing to life some of my favorite characters in the Marvel Universe. All of you are so amazing and always make me proud to call myself an Agent. Xx

On Edge with No Energy

Have you ever had one of those days where you are just completely void of all energy and motivation? I normally don’t have too many of those, and when I do they don’t last long. That feeling usually lasts about half of a day for me. But, until recently, I had one horrible day where I had no pep in my step, no expression, no energy, at all. And what was worse…it all happened while I was at work one day.

I honestly have no idea why this feeling of lackluster just decided to drop in like that. I was feeling fine earlier that day, nothing was wrong and I had actually had a pretty decent day. As soon as I stepped into where I worked, immediately tense, tired and felt a sense of dread.

My guess: my Anxiety had picked the absolute worst time to mess with me. Where I work, I’m expected to have a happy face 24/7. I did my best that day and helped as best as I could. But as my shift went on, I just grew more tense and anxious. I could even feel my body become stiff with each person that came through my part of where I worked.

A part of me just wanted to cry on the spot because I just wanted to go home. And then when it came close to me clocking out, my body was telling me I had enough. I told my boss I was feeling like dirt, and thankfully she understood. I went home a little early, and just relaxed on the couch the rest of the night till I went to bed.

Why I guess I’m writing this blog is that my Anxiety will just flare up in the most unusual places, at the most bizarre times and I won’t have any control over it. At least when I’m at home, I can hide under my weighted teddy bear and wait till it subsides. In public, I still haven’t mastered how to comfort myself…

Hopefully one day, I will actually be able to control my Anxiety attacks, instead of them controlling me.

Welcome to Purgatory, Earpers

This may be different from the blog subjects I mention or talk about, but I wanted to dedicate this blog to a show that has really helped me come out of my skin: Wynonna Earp. Now, I’m sure 95% of you are like, “What the heck is that? I’ve never heard of that show before.” The other 5% of you know exactly what I’m talking about. For the majority of you that are scratching your heads, allow me to explain…

Wynonna Earp is a fantastic show that mixes Sci-Fi and Western all into one. And so I don’t spoil it for you readers that haven’t heard of the show, just in case you might want to watch it, It’s about a descendant of Wyatt Earp, who, when they turn 27, they can wield a kickass gun to kill demons, or revenants as they are called on the show. The show has already aired S1 and S2, and is currently filming S3. This show does everything right from the writing to the cast; every single part of this show is perfect.

Now, why this show means the world to me is that it has allowed me to get to know some pretty amazing people, or as they are known…Earpers. Which, out of all of the fandoms I’m a part of, this is by far the coolest name to ever exist. Granted, I haven’t actually met any of these people in person, I have chatted with several over social media, three of them have to be my favorite YouTube reactors ever: Abnormally Adam, Divina of WhooshBangPow and Marcie De Feo. They are some of the nicest people I have ever met, and any time I’ve watched one of their reactions to the show, I always end up going “SAME!” and we’d end up having a full on conversation in the comments. It’s absolutely great.

What’s also pretty great about this show is that it’s allowed me to accept myself for who I am and allowed me to grow as a person. I can’t think of any of my other favorite shows that have that kind of power. Whenever I watch it, I don’t feel scared to be me. I feel more confident whenever I fangirl about the show; I always get the “Man, this girl is weird” looks, or I even get called a nerd fro time to time. But I don’t see that as I bad thing, if someone calls me a nerd I say, “Nerd? I think you mean Intellectually Badass.” and give them a smirk because I know I’m pretty freaking awesome.

The characters on the show have also allowed me to come out of my shell, especially Waverly Earp, aka The Earpiest Earp of them all. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of the characters equally, but as soon as I saw Waverly, I instantly saw myself in that character. I even thanked Dominique Provost-Chalkley, the actress who plays this amazing character, for the wonderful job she’s done portraying such a strong, down to earth, smart and kind character and how much it means to me to see a character like that, that I can relate to on TV.

Speaking of relatable, that’s why Wynonna Earp is so great. No matter who you are or what you look like, Emily Andras, a Queen and the show runner of this fantastic show, has created someone, some thing or a story line on the show any person can see themselves in. This show helped me figure out who I am as a person, and is continuing to help me grow. Granted I haven’t been a part of this fandom for very long, a few months at least, but with how fast I’ve caught up it feels like it has been years.

Not many of my favorite shows that I watch have such inclusivity like Wynonna Earp. From the art to the fan fictions I’ve read online, The Earper community puts out such a positive, warm, welcoming vibe that it’s hard not to smile. This show allows each of its viewers to be who they are without having to feel self-conscious about what other people may think of them. More shows need to follow this show’s example. In my opinion, Wynonna Earp is one of the best shows in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy genre right now.

I mean let’s face, what other show can claim that it’s leading lady fought Revenants and kicked down doors to save the day…while pregnant? Answer: None. Melanie Scrofano is an actual superhero, not to mention she’s an amazing human being who’s social media posts always manage to make me laugh ridiculously loud, and make me smile forever.

 

So, that is my dedication to one of the greatest shows, as well as one of the greatest fandoms. As Olly Anna said…I’m the only one that can write my story. And nobody else’s gonna do it for me.

Whoops, My Bad…

So, I guess I have a lot of explaining to do…

Yes. I did set that goal of posting a blog every other day, but I have a very good reason…as soon as I left college, my computer went to crap and died. It took me three years to find a laptop, and wasn’t having any luck. I did the majority of the things I did on a laptop, on my iPad. Don’t get me wrong, that was fine but I missed the feel of a keyboard under my fingers.

Cut to now, and I FINALLY have a laptop! My dad bought it thinking he needed it, but turns out it wasn’t the right one for him. So, he gave it to me as an early birthday present. There aren’t enough words to describe how freaking happy this makes me!

With this new computer, I can FINALLY start typing up the book I started to write…Oh yeah, remember when I said theatre was my dream? Well, that didn’t exactly plan out; I didn’t give up on it, auditions are just hard to come by right now. But after all of these years, and with a little help from the show Jane the Virgin, I’ve realized that I want to be a writer. I want to create magical stories on paper, in hopes my eventual future readers can identify with the characters and world I created.

Having a best friend who is also a writer helped me realize this too. We’ve written plenty of fan fiction based on our favorite TV show, Agents of SHIELD. When I told her that this is what I wanted to do, she was 100% supportive. The fact that she thinks I would be a good writer means the absolute world to me because whenever she’d send me something of her to read, I would be in complete awe. “This girl is going to be big one day, and I’m going to be the first in line to buy her books” I keep thinking. I’ve always looked up to her when we were in college together, and I look up to her as a writer because she makes me want to better my own stories.

 

So, I am officially back! I have a laptop to write, and I will be posting every other day to my blog (if I can remember 😉 ). Because I have a lot of things on my mind, and a keyboard to click away…