A few days ago, my mom, my sister and I all went to the movies to celebrate my mom’s birthday. We all decided to go see a comedy, but there weren’t many comedies playing that night. However there was one movie that peaked all of our interests: The DUFF. It stared Mae Whitman, who voiced Tinkerbell in all of the Tinkerbell movies, and who was Mary Elizabeth in The Perks of Being a Wallflower. She did a marvelous job in the movie, and her comedic timing was impeccable.
Aside from being a good movie, the message the the film portrayed was very good. The main character of the movie was considered a “DUFF”. Designated Ugly Fat Friend. Now, you can guess immediately I had a problem with this acronym. Mae Whitman’s character, Bianca, was not fat or ugly. She’s freaking gorgeous! Even as “The DUFF” she was still stunning. Throughout the entire movie she manages to make a transformation for pretty tomgirl…to gorgeous bombshell.
Anyway, I digress. That’s not why I’m writing this blog. The reason why I’m writing this blog is because of the label “DUFF”, and in general…all labels.
These past few days have been kind of rough for me because I didn’t seem to notice I was labeling things around me. I saw what everyone had, and I felt sad and depressed because I didn’t have it–I didn’t have my happiness. I was subconsciously labeling my life as something bad, based on what others had around me.This was one of the major triggers for my “slump” I was in for the past few weeks. I just couldn’t escape it, no matter how hard I tried.
Another things that really got me down was relationships. Now, I know that sounds silly and petty, but I see it as something that is something I will never get to experience. Whenever I am surrounded by a relationship, out of nowhere comes the Green Monster of jealously. I am normally not a jealous person, but whenever I come into contact with something that is “love”-based, I get a bit repulsed. Yes, I know that sounds bad…but I want what they have. I want someone to care for, and I want someone to care about me. Another silly trigger that made my “slump” last longer than it should have.
The biggest thing for me that made my “slump” last way longer than it should have was comparing my appearance to others around me. I know I’m not the prettiest looking girl; others would tell me otherwise…but I would have a very hard time believing them. I have acne scars all over my face, I have a pooch for a tummy, and my teeth are absolutely hideous.I can’t even look at myself in the mirror because I’m repulsed by what I see. I’ve tried smiling when I get up in the morning, but I can’t…It’s just hard to be pleased with what I call “my body”. It’s for that reason, I hide behind my close; I don’t want people to see me.
And, to add the cherry on top of this delightful Sundae…My faith in God has been dwindling pretty low lately. This was the other biggy for my “slump” because I was starting to think that God wasn’t even there. I’ve been praying for: hope, strength, faith, guidance, and advice…I don’t think I’ve even been answered. I don’t even think He’s even been listening to me. So much has happened to me in my life, I don’t even think any of my prayers have been answered. God has never been there for me when I needed Him the most, in my time of despair and struggle.
But, you know what I’ve realized? I’ve realized that, even when I’ve been writing this, as well as in the past…I was the ONLY one saying these things. No one else was. I was the only one labeling my life like this. Nobody else around me was bringing me down, and I think that’s why I was in my “slump”…and why my self esteem has felt so low. Self-Labeling is probably one of the worst things you can do for yourself, and I am kind of disappointed in myself for doing it because if I would’ve known I would’ve gotten THIS bad, I could have changed my thought process…as well as my choices. But, it’s better that I am catching this now, rather than finding this to be a serious problem later on in life. Now, I can really start to make some serious changes. Hopefully these changes will help me pull myself out of my “slump”, and back to the happy, at ease person I once was.
The first thing to changing this bad habit of mine: realizing my Self-Worth. I need to start listening to, as well as believing people when they give me compliments and advice. They aren’t just giving me compliments because they feel obligated to; they genuinely mean them, and they want to see me smiled when they say them. Same goes for the advice. They don’t just give it to me for thrill of it, they give it to me because they want to see me to better, and feel better. I was being an idiot before for not accepting their compliments and advice; I shrugged them off, making them seem lesser than they really were. Reality check: THAT IS NOT TRUE! If anything, compliments and advice from friends are the best because they come from a place of sincerity.
I now see that…I AM FREAKING AMAZING! My friends were trying to help me see my Self-Worth. I am an amazing person that is: kind, generous, thoughtful, smart, creative, helpful, nurturing, determined, passionate, and dare I say it…beautiful. I’m not “model” beautiful…I’m “hot nerd” beautiful, which, when you think about it…is WAY more likable. With the “hot nerd” you get not only the looks, but personality as well! It’s a win-win, and that’s what I am…A WIN-WIN! With the help of my friends, I’m starting to see these things slowly but surely. And at least some progress, is better than no progress.
This labeling thing I’ve been doing to myself…stops today. I don’t know even why everyone else’s speed put me in a “slump” to begin with. Everyone moves at different paces. Hell, I know I’m moving about as slow as the Tortoise, and everyone else is the Hair. But I see it like this: since I’m moving like a “Tortoise”, I figure I will see more good things coming my way. And in regards to love, I, >>This Nerd Princess<< , will eventually find her Nerd Prince Charming…Who is just as creative and dorky as I am. And we will be “perfect” for each other; we may not like some of the same things, but we can learn from each other, having more fun in the process. But Nerd Prince Charming isn’t the love in my life right now…It’s all of my friends, and few best friends I consider family that are the love in my life right now. The way I see it…that’s THE BEST kind of love because that love can last much longer than a romantic relationship. I label love from your friends, best friends and family as “TRUE” love.
As far as happiness goes, I need to create it for myself. I need to enjoy the things that make ME happy, while not worrying about being tied down. I can expand my hobbies, do things outside of my comfort zone, treat myself to goodies or even dress up for no reason to make myself happy. I watch my favorite show, Once Upon A Time, every Sunday to make myself happy. Granted, I’m shouting at my TV the entire episode and the FEEL TRIP is more than I can handle…but I’m smiling at the end because this shows has given me something that makes me happy. Doing things for myself is what I should have been doing for a while, but I forgot what it felt like. Now that I’m remember what it felt like to make myself happy, instead of others all the time…it feels nice. I have to remember to do it more often because if I’m happy, others will be to. How I label my happiness, should NOT be based off others’ around me.
Starting today, I will no longer label myself, or my life. And I will no longer compare myself and my life to others’ around me. If I stay focused on what’s good for me, I will get a lot more done. I need to start worrying about my life, and if I do that things will start falling into place. I just have to keep a level-head, and a strong heart. I know I can get my happiness back. I know I can take care of myself…I know I can smile again. I need to embrace these “labels” and turn them into positives, rather than negatives. As my favorite Sierra Boggess mantra goes: “You are enough. You are so enough. It’s unbelievable how enough your are.”
I…Am…Enough. Plain and simple. No one can convince me otherwise.