So, I know I haven’t written on of these bloggy things in a while. First just let me say this — It’s the Mid-Terms’ fault. In all honesty, I’d much rather be blogging than doing stupid math problems…or doing lab reports on genetics.
Lately, I haven’t been feeling like myself. I’ve been in a funk for almost four days now, and I don’t know why. It’s actually starting to scare me. Normally I’ve been out of a funk within 24 hours. This time…it’s different.
I looked at my GPA a few days ago, and instantly felt like a failure. I’ve NEVER had this low of a GPA before; It’s always been at least a 3.0. This time…let’s just say it’s way below that. Seeing this just triggered something in my brain, and started a lot of these spiraling thoughts. Once one thought popped into my head, more would follow. It was hard to think rationally after that.
Sometimes I think, “Why Me?” Why do I have anxiety? Why am I a failure? Why am I a freak? Why can’t I just be normal? Then thoughts like, “Your dreams are never going to come true.” “You’re going to be stuck in the same place forever while others move on.” “You’re not good enough, and you never will be good enough.” “You will never find love, and you will never be in love.” “You are ugly.” STOP IT, BRAIN! Just leave let me have some peace for once in my life! Go away! Just please…leave me alone.
It’s these things that were making me feel: hopeless, angry, anxious, unloved, stressed, useless…weak. These things were not making me feel like myself. Luckily, there was one other person who was watching me think these awful, and dreadful things. I think…It’s time that I got in touch with the Big Guy upstairs. I’ve been straying from Him a lot, mainly because I thought that he wasn’t there for me. I know that’s not true now. All of this darkness in my head, was just preventing me from seeing His light.
Psalm 34:18. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit.
I can definitely relate to this because I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks, and my spirit has definitely been crushed. What this verse is saying is that no matter how low I may feel, God will be there for me and make sure my broken heart and spirit are healed.
Psalm 62:5-7. For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation,my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my deliverance and my honor; my mighty rock, my refuge is in God.
How I relate to this verse is that when I clear my mind, and just zone out, I can kind of hear what my soul is trying to tell me. Once I do that, I can feel my hope, as well as my faith, gradually increase. He is the one person in my life that has been there for me even before I was born; I can trust Him with anything that is troubling me. Nothing can shake me, as long as God is there to protect me. He will protect me from harm.
Matthew 6:25,34. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
I can relate to these verses in more ways than one. I worry about almost everything in my life, which I know is unhealthy. I should be worrying about what’s good in my life, and how I’m taking care of myself. And I need to stop worrying about what’s going to happen tomorrow, when what I SHOULD be worrying about is what’s happening in the present moment.
These are just some of the Bible verses I’ve read that reassured me that God has been there for me all along, He’s just been busy helping His other children. My vision has been clouded by all of these anxious thoughts, which prevented me from seeing that God has been there for me the entire time. Before I was even born, He was there for me. I just forgot that he was there…but I won’t forget from now on. Whenever I feel like I’m lost, or losing my way…I just need to have some alone time, and talk with the Big Man upstairs.
I am the daughter of a King, after all. And since my Father is a King, I know that the plan He has for me, is the best. I just need to trust Him, and know that He wants me to succeed in my dreams. My dreams will become reality with His help.
The point of this blog was not to sound to preachy about religion (an FYI). I wrote it because I usually talk to God whenever I feel sad, lost or scared. I just wanted to share some verses that I thought were comforting to me.