Sorry You Had To See That, Everyone

First of all, before I right what I realized today…I just wanted to apologize for that travesty of first blog I wrote. I let my emotions get the better of me, and they clouded my better judgement.

Now, to get to what I realized today…with the help of some very persuasive, and very loving friends. Sometimes I don’t even know what I did to deserve such great people in my life. But, I’m glad they stayed because if I hadn’t met any of these wonderful souls…I might not be on the path I am now. I know that I did the majority of the work where I got today, but their amazing advice and, sometimes VERY much needed kicks in the butt…have steered me in the right direction. So, if they happened to read this…You guys are my Ohana, and I love you all so much. I’m sorry if I’m stubborn sometimes, I guess I must be part Disney Princess because they all have it in them.

“It doesn’t pay to dwell on it or post about it on Facebook. Look at it and move on. I used to do the same thing you are doing now and it would burn me out and make me feel even worse. The only important thing to worry about is yourself and no one else. You come first and foremost! There is not another Miranda Miller! Keep being you and rock being a wallflower! Good things come to those who wait! It shows that you are being you and not trying to be anyone else! No one wants a fake Miranda. They want the real Miranda who doesn’t change for anyone!”

A really good friend of mine told me this and I have to agree, dwelling on all of this crap that is in my head only makes it worse. I need really need to learn to move on. I don’t care if looking after myself sounds selfish…I need to do it. I’ve completely forgotten about myself, and I need to take care of my own health an well being. She was right when she said that there is not another Miranda Miller. I’m going to rock being a wallflower! She was also right when she said good things come to those who wait. Granted, I’ve been waiting for a while now, but waiting a little while longer won’t kill me. I realize from reading her advice that there really is no other person like me. No one has my scares, my bruises, my crooked smile, my personality. I was given those traits for a reason, and I’m going to embrace them. I’m not going to change them for anyone.

“He doesn’t make mistakes, Miranda Miller :). Every part of you was His design, He can tell you how many hairs are on your head and the desires of your heart. He knows you. So look in the mirror and notice that beautiful smile that lights up a room because God made it to shine for Him, not the world. Just remember that we all want to see you happy and out of this rut and we want to help you out. but you also need to remember to help yourself :).”

What I realized from this advice from a my friend is that God will always be proud of me because no matter what I do, He will always love me. His love for me is unconditional. He really does know the desires of my heart, in fact…I think when I went to New York three years ago, and saw Wicked for the first time…I think He knew as well that “Defying Gravity” and “Dancing Through Life” would be something I’m great at! I may not like my teeth that much, but no big deal! My half smile, my “Elsa Smile” if you want to call it, is just as cute…if not cuter. I think it gives me a sense of mystery, like the Mona Lisa. That smile was made to shine for God, and myself alone.

I’m glad people I care about want to see me happy, and want to help me get out of this rut. These people are blessings in my life, and I never want to take them for granted ever again.

“Have a little respect for the God that made you perfectly in HIS image. You create your own worth, no one else does.”

These were two lines of advice that stuck out to me when a good friend on mine gave me an ultimatum: Start being positive OR we can’t be friends because I can’t deal with that kind of negativity in my life. That was the thing that set me straight. I vowed from here on out that I will no longer be negative, and only have room for positivity and happiness. Losing this friend scared me because she was one of the people in my life who helped me believe in myself again. She even helped me believe in my faith again. I AM made in His image, and I am worth everything…no matter what anyone else says. If it weren’t for her, and her straight forward, take no crap advice…I wouldn’t be chasing my dreams right now. So for all of the things she has done for me, I say thank you.

So, I make this promise today and for the rest of my adult life: I will do my best to make room for only positivity and happiness. I will only think of nice things. I will only have kind things to describe myself. Most importantly, I will always love myself, no matter what.

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